You’re a busy, high-achieving, in-charge woman. You have ambitious goals and you are going for them. You LOVE what you do and you LOVE your family. Your life demands a lot of you and you are doing a LOT. And you feel it! You’re exhausted and overwhelmed. This is a case for the other Big O… but I’ll get back to that in a moment.
Too Many To-Dos & Stressors
So, there you are, doing so much, but not accomplishing as much as you’d like or really need to. Even though you’re being mindful and keeping a positive attitude, it’s not enough. This wouldn’t be so bad since you’re a badass, except that sometimes you’re so “in it” you don’t have time to consider what’s going on and you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to get everything done.
What’s worse is that we live in an always-on culture that is currently presenting a living-my-best-life social media veneer. You might feel pressure to have everything handled …and make it look easy …and be attractive while doing it. Ugh! You think that somehow if you could just figure out how to manage your time a little better… but what if I told you there was a distinction that is even more fundamental?
It Comes Down To Your Sex
You think you’re overwhelmed is because you don’t have enough time to accomplish everything on your list. But that’s not it. You are overwhelmed, literally, because you’re a woman. You are neurologically wired and hormonally tuned to care… a LOT …about a LOT of things. It’s enough to dampen your mood and diminish your drive (yep, that drive, too).
Consider that women are made differently than men. These differences count. Testosterone is like rocket fuel for getting shit done and is responsible for sex drive in both men and women. Men make 10-30 times more testosterone than women. Women’s testosterone is produced by both the ovaries and adrenal glands. Adrenal fatigue is the number one hormone imbalance in women. If you’re stressed, it’s likely that your adrenals are working overtime.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t do it all or have it all or you’ve got to choose because you’re a woman. Nope. No need to call the feminist police. What I am saying is that you can achieve more and feel balanced by getting in tune with really being a woman.
The Hope of The Other Big O
The Other Big O is Oxytocin, known as the bliss, bonding, or love hormone and has many health-promoting benefits. In men, cortisol (the stress hormone) is mitigated by testosterone. In women, cortisol is mitigated by oxytocin, which is produced through physical contact such as hugging, kissing, sexual activity, orgasm, and breastfeeding. The effects of oxytocin are enhanced by estrogen (the main hormone that makes women women). So, if you are feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and exhausted, it would be good to get some of the other big O… oxytocin.
Note, A Bio Snag
You may notice that when you’re stressed, you are totally turned off, and sexual contact is the last on your mind. This is a function of our woman wiring and tuning again. If we feel stressed, we will often rebuff sexual or even comforting advances to reduce the possibility of bringing a life into an unsuitable situation. If you’re reading this blog, you’re probably not in immediate danger like having a 600lb tiger over your shoulder. I assure you, it’s safe to get a hug. This is a biological snag that it would be good to override.
A Touch of Oxytocin Goes A Long Way
Because of the massive benefits, physical contact is SUPER helpful when women feel overwhelmed. It’s actually just what we need. So, opting for a hug from a friend, hand holding, a massage, or more sensual contact such as heavy petting or pleasurable sex, these activities can help you reduce stress and increase resilience. You may find that you return to your must-do tasks less pissed and with more pep.
If any of this sounds good to you, I would encourage you to get started. Make a list of the kind of contact you like and the atmosphere you prefer. Remember that the point of this to reduce stress, so a running mental commentary about some detail out of place will thwart your efforts. Be specific, make it good, and go for it.
For partnered pursuits, consider who in your world would be best to help you with your overwhelm reduction, pleasure activation plan. Schedule a time to communicate what you want clearly and explore together. When you feel safe with a partner, spouse, or friend-with-benefits, some sensual contact can be one of the best and fastest ways to reduce overwhelm, activate pleasure, and achieve more. Solo pleasuring does work, especially if you don’t yet have a trusted partner who can really hold a space of comfort. You may also choose massage or a manicure/pedicure, not just for the cute nail colors, but because the contact will stimulate oxytocin production.
If you need help getting started or have questions about the Big O or the Other Big O, feel free to contact me or schedule a complimentary 15-minute initial chat with me. https://calendly.com/infiniterelating
Content provided by Women Belong member Tazima Davis