Try a Little Tenderness – Let’s Be Gentle with Ourselves

Lately I’ve heard so many women say they feel like they’ve spent most of their time so far this year drawing inward.  My experience has been no different and I spent most of Q1 processing what has been happening in the world all while working behind the scenes in my business on a few projects that have been mainstays on my to-do list.  This sentiment has been reflected in my circle of friendships, in my clientele and in my broader network.

Now that spring is in the air, I am not the only one feeling more ready to act, particularly after this contemplative yet productive first quarter.  There is both the call to protect our tender hearts and the drive to take aligned action, picking up the threads and gently beginning to weave some magic in our lives, communities, work and businesses.

Don’t get tricked by the tendency to want to hit the ground running.  Bursting forth and crushing goals for Q2 is going to take all that reflective energy from Q1and spoil it.

Bringing this gentle energy into Q2 feels like a nice time to focus on self-love, in part because if we start with ourselves, it feels easier to spread that love around.

How often though do we as women focus on the inverse of that equation – spreading our love around caring for others and using what’s left to care for ourselves?  The result is that we are offering ourselves the scraps, waiting until the resources are depleted to fill our own well.

Self-Care vs. Self-Love – What’s the Difference?

First off, self-care isn’t solely bodily, and it is much more than massages and manicures (although you may consider both self-care, and that’s ok!).  You can care for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually too.

Self-love is a broader concept, but it is rooted in truth – YOUR truth.  This is knowing your true and authentic nature, connecting with it and living from this place.  The problem is that we are disconnected from our inner most being and connecting with our authentic self involves some work, excavation and reflection.

But we are tired.  And busy.  And distracted.

All too often we set out to do “the work” and because we are so disconnected from ourselves, we start with the outside in.  Work has a connotation of doing so we force, brace and push.  But self-love – that’s an inside job.

What if we set out to build a loving relationship with ourselves?  How would that impact our own lives, let alone the impact in our families, communities, work and businesses?

This is where gentleness comes in.

How Do You Experience Yourself?

Instead of buying more books and listening to more podcasts, what would happen if you focused on experiencing yourself?  Connect with yourself, be curious about what makes you tick, be accepting of what comes up.  Build this relationship gently – speaking to and about yourself with compassion and respect, ask yourself what you need and then give it freely without guilt.

Romanticize the heck out of your life.

While you are building this gentle relationship some of what you do may look and feel like self-care.  You may choose to exercise, nourish yourself, focus on getting adequate sleep and taking time for rest.  But – you may also find yourself learning to set boundaries, choosing uplifting relationships, learning new things, reflecting on your beliefs, and being aware of your stress levels.

Go Gently

Choosing gentleness means offering yourself kindness, forgiveness, patience and grace.  This is self-love in action.

Although it might seem like it, the spring blossoms don’t burst forth all at one time.  They bud, blossom, bloom and eventually fall away.  Your feminine energy is the same!

Let’s find joy, ritualize even the most mundane of activities, surround ourselves with beauty – and then let’s get to work.

Here are a few ideas on how to bring this energy into your days and weeks:

• Start your day with a peaceful morning routine. For me this means taking the dog out and using this time to breathe deeply, feeling the fresh air on my face and listening to the birds waking up.
• Enjoy your own company. Consider taking yourself on a date to a locally owned restaurant or coffee shop.  Leave the laptop at home and put your phone in your purse.  Enjoy your meal or drink at your leisure, really savouring the entire experience.
• Create a high-vibe playlist. I’ve just sent this playlist out to my email subscribers if you need some inspiration.  I’ve been listening to it in the car and while cooking and it feels like sunshine!
• Use what you have on hand to elevate your day. Create an experience for yourself – a hot bath, a cup of tea, a scented candle, a journal, your wardrobe, a night out (or in!).  Be resourceful and treat yourself to some of those things you’ve been saving for a special occasion including that gift card you’ve been meaning to use.  There is no need to spend any additional money here…get creative with what you have on hand.
• Live for yourself and not for others. Do the things YOU have always wanted to do.  Take a pottery class or learn a new craft, take in some theatre or live music, start saving for, plan OR even take that trip you’ve been putting off.
• Host a dinner party. My family has been gathering around our table with friends more frequently lately.  We like to cook, but if you’re short on time or money, make it a potluck appetizer night and focus on enjoying the company of friends.
• Blaze a new trail. Walk a path or trail that you have never walked before.  Last weekend I met with a friend and her dog for a walk + talk in an area of the city that was completely new to me.  We caught up, took the scenic route, admired the view and got our 10,000 steps in all before 11 am.  It was such a pleasurable and joyful experience for both of us.

 

I offer this list not as a life hack or 7 easy steps to loving yourself, this is deepening your relationship with yourself, connecting with your truth and authenticity so you can show up in a loving manner for yourself and then for everyone around you and beyond.  If you want to read more, check out The Art of Ritualizing: Creating a More Meaningful Life that I wrote for the Women Belong spotlight back in 2023!

Walking with you as you romanticize your life because as the Otis Redding song says, “Oh, she may be weary and young girls, they do get weary…”

His answer?  Try a little tenderness!

Content provided by Women Belong member  Kristell Court